It's funny how you can be quietly going about life and a moment of clarity hits you. I had such a moment last night wandering into the bathroom in my flat.
Six and a half years ago my then fiancee ended our engagement. My epiphany was that without realising it rejection had pervaded my view of myself stemming from that rather unfortunate turn of events.
I could go into lots of detail but now is not the time. I should apologise to friends and family who have born the brunt of my fears and self loathing. But I know that firstly they'll forgive me because they're amazing and secondly in this case it's more about me changing and being a better friend.
The irony being that (if you'll pardon this somewhat vain indulgence, I like to think) I'm a pretty decent friend. However I want to be better than pretty decent, you few who read this deserve that. And I need this, because I'm not happy living in fear and waiting for rejection or worse engineering it.
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