Tired but Thinking but Possibly not Straight

I have returned from Somerset, Shepton Mallet, a Farm, Soul Survivor. Currently "recovering" by sitting on the sofa watching Michael McIntyre.


Now this recovering is not a negative recovering as to suggest that my week in the world's smallest tent was bad. Infact I'd go so far to say that the only dampner on the week was the leaking tent, sadly the leaking wasn't so much the outside rain as the inside condensation caused by my nightime breathing. This is somewhat problematic being so tall, having so many clothes and being slightly "precious" (to quote some some friends)! But moving away from my tent issues, my week was very good. I was stuck in a field, with great friends, new friends, a guitar, a pink tent and pretty painted nails. Which contrasted with my new found desire for a man drawer has left me questioning a number of things about who I am.


For those who have no idea what Soul Survivor is about, it is a Christian Festival, it's lots of young people camping in muddy fields gathering in a big tent to sing songs to Jesus and listen to various people speaking on a variety of different things. There's live music, talks, food, sports and all sorts of stuff. Which may or may not be your cup of tea. And why was I there? Aside from being a Christian, and liking muddy fields, no wait aside from being a Christian and liking music and stuff like that I was helping out my friend's youth group by being one of the "leaders" - a task I feel less than suited to than some might suggest.


Am I the extroverted guy who will talk to anyone, or am I the quiet guy who feels everything, am the popcorn fluff conversationalist or the deep longwinded dialogist? Which doesn't even get us onto discussions as to what is it that makes someone a leader or what exactly is it that makes someone a man (penis or personality?) and what does it mean to be a Christian? Does painting my nails make any difference to anything?


But fear thee not, I still like women, football and meat. But I also like pink, clothes shopping and romantic comedies. Which has led me to the conclusion that my identity needs to be found in something other than my sexuality or what I like/dislike or support etc. After 29 years of consideration I have come to the conclusion that the decision I made age 3 is still the correct one. My identity needs to be in Jesus Christ, he is not flakey like I, or prone to irrational thoughts or selfish amibition. He is patient and kind, he does not envy or boast, he is not proud or rude or self-seeking, he it is not easily angered, he keeps no record of wrongs, he does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres and he never fails. And all of this is what I aspire to be, and as I look to him I know that I can grow into this, even if I fall short time after time.


So I am going to go make a cup of tea and ponder the words of the legend that is Tre when he said now it's your turn to go out there and change the world with your art and revel in England winning the Ashes!