Is in love but am also falling love...

I tried on wedding rings today with my wife to be. 'twas amusingly low-key and tres wonderful.

We haven't picked any yet but pretty much know what we're after. What is strange is how our preconceived idea of what we wanted changed as we walked round Westfields looking in various jewellers. The clear idea we had has been replaced by a better one. Which I think aptly fits with I am in love and I am falling love.

Cold and Broken Hallelujah

Sitting in my cold flat working from home while some lovely if sweary men fit new windows, I can hear the strains of hallelujah on the radio...

Struck me that we need some more broken hallelujahs to be sung...

Pessimism and the eternal optimist

I find this horrible dichotomy rearing up in me again, my immediate response to hearing something not good is that it's my fault. That being the pessimist and then the eternal optimist appears... I believe that God is interested in people and that when we pray he does act. Someone much cleverer than I said something about the strangeness of God wanting to work with humanity through prayer and communion. I have seen small 'miracles' and things happen which cannot be explained except that God answers the prayers of his people. I can't escape the feeling that there is more to life than just the here and now, as a wiseman once said 'eternity is on our hearts'.

So here I am a cross between a pessimist and an eternal optimist. 

The irony is not lost on me...

So about those habits...

Well I'm still managing four or five days a week on the ole bible reading front. Problem comes at the weekend or working from home as I'm in the habit of reading on the train.

Being sensible, check! Aided quite helpfully by my wonderful fiancée who does a grand job of making sure I don't stay out too late on a school night.

November's unannounced habit - tucking my shirt in at work. My fiancée has rubbed off on me here! Something of the school teacher and well I'm smartening up my work appearance. Next step shaving regularly?! Maybe a step too far!

As for December... I dunno yet!

To Be Sure...

Is something I did not hear once while I was in Dublin.

So to backtrack for just a moment, last Friday I made my way to Heathrow Terminal 1, to meet my fiancee and her family to fly off to the Emerald Isle and enjoy the wonder that is Dublin (and possibly Guiness). And in the interests of disclosure and honesty, I was a tad nervous. My reasoning for this was simply as follows - I'd only ever spent an evening with my future family (Father in law, Mother in law, Brother in law and girlfriend) and here I was going to spend Friday night through to Sunday evening with them! I had slightly irrational thoughts of making a complete fool of myself or worse not making a fool of myself and just being found to be not very nice. Thankfully this did not appear to be the case!

In short, I had a wonderful time, the Connollys welcomed me with metaphorical open arms, laughed at and with me, treated me like one of the family and were absolutely great. It was a wonderful weekend. We ate lots, drank lots (although I didn't end up having any Guiness!), walked lots, slept um very little, saw lots, ate lots, laughed lots and generally had a fun time.

So thank you John, Carol, Rich, Jenn and Vikki, you were wonderful. In summary, I got to hold Vikki's hand all weekend and see the wonderful city of Dublin, it doesn't get much better than that.

And here hopefully are a couple of pictures

Have I Got News For You? Probably not although maybe, I dunno...

Tis funny how things change and you don't really notice it. I am currently afflicted with a cold and so being a sensible sort am refraining from playing football this evening. Thus I have a completely free night to chill out, do whatever I want, do nothing, watch a movie, play my guitar, no hassles, you get my drift.

I find myself though not wholly enamoured with this, right now all I want to do is curl up on the sofa with my fiancée and finish off the coca cola cake (side note - don't knock it as it tastes unbelievably gorgeous).

Tuesday is Cells so she is literally going from work to youth work to bed.

The thing that amuses me about this is Vikki had a very similar experience on Sunday while I was listening to the earbleeding genius of Demon Hunter. I love how we have fallen in love and just want to be with each other. I'm trying to think how I can fit in something about the last nine months and birthing analogies but my brain is a tad fuzzy right now!

So I'm gonna watch have I got news for you and endeavour to make the most of this quiet evening even though it might not be everything that I want.

Presence and Presents

So at the weekend we had our engagement party. A wonderful lil affair it was too.

Many thanks to everyone for their presence and the presents. Without doubt the stand out present was from Vikki"s uncle Mike and Debbie - a basket for toilet rolls! Vikki's bathroom is now complete and I feel that it has become a home for me! Albeit one i'm not living in but soon enough! And maybe I exaggerate but still it was a present that made us both giggle and me feel part of the family.

More important though than the presents was the presence of so many family and friends. We were greatly touched by the presence/sincere apologies for absences and grateful for the alcohol everyone consumed thus meaning we got our deposit back!

Oh and a massive THANK YOU to Jenn for the cupcakes. They were amazing!

Failing one day at a time

I'm struggling a little bit with the whole being sensible thing. However I'm finding it harder watching the people I care about going through a rough time.

Sometimes i feel so powerless to help or make things right.

However, right now I chose to trust on the one who made the universe. And where possible to do what I can do.

And also to listen to rock n roll really loud.

And to keep praying, keep reading my bible, keep playing my guitar and singing and most importantly to keep loving. Oh and to keep making bad jokes, wearing pink and eating chocolate. And to only do my failing one day at a time as opposed to worrying about weeks, months or years worth.

Oh Yes Habits

So it's a new month and time to start that second habit...

I've been pondering it for a little while and decided that habit 2 is going to be "being sensible"... sounds boring I know but it's kind of needed. I've had a few too many migraines this year, usually due to tiredness. I have a fiancee who has an important job that entails getting up early. And generally I'm a better person when I've had a good amount of sleep.

So my aim where possible, on a school night is to be in bed by 11pm, or midnight at the latest, there will always be exceptions, that's allowed of course but generally I want to be sensible!

In other habit news, I'm pretty much in the habit of reading the bible on the train either to or from work... which is great for 5 days a week, problem is on the weekends where I struggle, specifically saturday. But this is about sustainability, so 5 outta 7 is pretty good, isn't it?!

Tiredness...

So I like staying up late chatting with loved ones, reading or watching tv/movies etc. I also like sleeping, I dislike getting up in the mornings. This combination is not so good, rather unbalanced when I have a job that means I have to get up in the morning.

And I'm not good when I am tired... let's leave it at that.

Maybe I Should Take Note

The thought occured to me this week that lots of people seem to have an opinion, but not everyone is qualified to speak...

"Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive" (Proverbs 17v28)

From Russia With Love

In the dim and distant past, a fellow countryman and I made a pact. This pact stated that if by the 34th anniversary of the year of our birth should come upon and us and we were not wed then to the internet we would go. Specifically russianmailorderbrides.com.

Time flew by, we both turned 30, and then a miracle occured. Two young ladies decided that actually we weren't that bad and entered into a 'special friendship'. This was further cemented by purchasing shiny round things that were of no small value and uttering the age old words "darling, wilt thou be mine wife?". But I am getting ahead of myself somewhat...

So this is the story of David and Vikki. Ok this is the seriously shortened story. Dave met Vikki a long time ago, she did not appear interested. Dave didn't do anything for a long time. They bumped into each other again at a Christmas ball in 2008 and so started a very longwinded and quite slow developing friendship. May 2009 he eventually asks for her number. He cheekily asks her to help with ferrying some musical equipment from one place to another and re-imburses her with pineapple cheese cake (courtesy of Mrs Craig!). Their friendship slowly grows, very slowly grows. They go shopping together at Westfields. Dave is very confident that Vikki likes him but being a guy isn't sure what to do and thus does nothing...

Christmas time comes and they go to midnight mass together, people are starting to ask questions which Dave (probably a bit too) strongly denies. New year comes and goes (the less said the better) and they spend more and more time together. Eventually Vikki (very sensibly) asks if they can meet up the next day to discuss what is going on. That date is February 8th.

David eventually asks Vikki out *cue applause and comments of "about time"*

Fast forward 7 months and 1 day and he is knocking on the door of Mr and Mrs Connolly's abode in Uxbridge. After a few minutes of small talk they get down to the rather important matter at hand. The discussion of marriage and the hand of the fair maiden Vikki. The discussion yielded positive results. And at this point things turned somewhat surreal.

You'll have to forgive me for falling out of character here and just sharing what actually happened, but as this is my blog I can do whatever I like... So after the discussions the suggestion of going to the pub to celebrate was offered and accepted by all. So me and my future in laws head of to the Abrook for a drink. While we were drinking that first celebratory drink Vikki comes down the pub. So here we all are; now onto the second drink, all happy, all celebrating the impending hope that I will ask Vikki to marry me. It was very very bizarre. It was a moment full of joy, happiness, hope, merriment and good humour and a distinct lack of food.

The next day I picked up the ring (there was slightly more to this part of the story than just picking up a ring but work with me here please for brevities sake) before heading off to Uxbridge for my future sister in law's welcome back party. It was burning a rather large hole in my pocket.

Saturday was my grandparent's wedding anniversary party and the first time that my brother's wife to be was meeting them. On point of principle I decided could not in good conscious ask Vikki to marry me before this and gatecrash Andy and Amy's moment. So silence on the question asking front! After the celebratory meal with the family it was off to Mike's for a bbq. After much fun, merry making, small children and fake yawns I eventually convinced Mike to let us leave.

The flat was empty, the lights were dimmed, stars shone, angels sang and she said yes.

One of the happiest moments of my life hearing Vikki say "yes". We then fell around giggling like 2 small children who had done something funny. So Russian mail orderbrides are off the table (thank God). A wedding date has been set. A beautiful future with the most beautiful person I have ever met awaits me. And I cannot stop smiling.

Some Advice Given Me This Week

Be still and know I Am God...

Simples.

Day 4

Catching up...

Day 2

Fail...

Breaking Things One New Habit At A Time

So I was chatting with Vikki the other day and she said she'd read in a book(thanks Mum, I will read it myself at some point) that it takes 21 days to form a habit... This as is my bent got me thinking. And thus I have set myself a challenge. Every month for the next year I am going to try and create a new habit. So come September 2011 I will have (hopefully) 12 new good habits.

Yesterday being the 1st of September I started day 1 of reading the bible in a year. This is my first habit - reading the bible every day.

I have a few ideas for some of the other habits; Working on the novel, jogging etc. But plenty of scope for thinking about new ones. If anyone has any amusing, sensible, serious, out there or in there suggestions feel free.

Probability

If God didn't exist, what is the probability of all of this just happening?

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

Sometimes you do not realise what you've got until you've lost it. Or in my case it* goes away for a few days. A friend said to me the other night that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I haven't quite worked out what I think about absence helping me grow fonder of the one I love. What I do know is that in this short absence I am remembering how stupendously blessed I have been and that I am in this present moment. I have spent years waiting, hoping, dreaming, failing, falling, hoping to meet someone. And the someone I met has far exceeded even my wildest dreams.

It is only when we're quiet that we can reflect and give realisation a chance to bear its fruit within our lives.

So I shall endeavour to make the most of this absence by reflecting upon all that God has blessed me with, not only in the last 5 months and 26 days, but also the last 30 years, 2 months and 24 days. Such as life, family, salvation, friends, worth, gifts, music, words, creativity and the most amazing girlfriend.

(*And my profound apologies that you became an "it" in the first two sentences)

Big Questions

A very dear friend of mine has been asking some big questions of late, I'm not entirely sure if there was intention on his part or it might just have been the way I was reading things. Suffice to say it has got me thinking.

And thus I am asking myself the question; do I shy away from the big questions which prompt not only thinking about but also acting upon? Does my faith lead to actions? Hmm...

Death and New Life

So, and I confess to realising that a considerable portion of my blog writing begins with So but it works ok! So at the weekend; barely 2 months after "turning Anglican", I led worship at the evening service of St Maggies for the first time.

There are all sorts of things I could say and yet they feel inappropriate. At the end of the day we are talking about worship of the Almighty and "I think it went well", "it was (too) loud", "the musicians played well" and "I think I had fun" seems somewhat insincere. I still do not know if the time is right to say "yes I want to lead worship on a regular basis" - more prayer and consideration needed there. But Sunday was a good day and I was reminded of how good our God is.

Sadly Sunday also saw my long suffering Marshall take a turn for the worse. 1 hour before the service he fell into what is probably a terminal coma... 9 years old. We see what happens.

And thanks to Dave (thattheologystudent.blogspot.com) for my birthday present, it may be over two months late but it most certainly looks like it's worth it!

Friends

Over the last few months, ok over the last slightly more than few a number of my closest friends have turned the big three oh. I too have reached this landmark and for anyone who is interested to know, it's not that scary really. In much the same way as I didn't feel any different when I turned 18, 21 and 25, 30 is no different. Now before one gets off track let's switch back to the point, oh yes, friends!

So my friends have been celebrating this milestone in various ways. We've had a 3 way bday dj/pubfest. A Belgium beerfest. A wonderful dinner in Ruislipfest and an Oxford park picnic/gamesfest!

Each one was very different, each one was special and reminded me how blessed I am to have some great friends.

So to all my friends who have turned 30 in the last year, bless you!

Almost A Year

A rather wonderful person did a rather wonderful but slightly crazy thing and read my entire blog from end to beginning.

And which we discovered that it's almost a year since I began this adventure of blogging.

New-ish

So last weekend I was introduced to various people as Vikki's new-ish boyfriend. That made me smile!

It's Around Here Somewhere

So this morning while walking to the station, the sky covered in grey clouds, the scent of rain hanging there like cheap perfume with the odd splatter of precipitation like some more err cheap perfume, wait I'm getting lost in a ridiculously fragant digression here... Oh yes so this morning while walking to the station I had an idea for a blog, I seem to recall it was a great idea.

Unfortunately I cannot remember it.

Where Does The Time Go?

It's now two months since my 30th birthday. Time does appear to be flying by. It's been a strange mix of wonderful and sad...

I have made some progress on the novel and have a few more ideas which is good.

And my girlfriend leaves me amazed by her kindness, generosity, goodness and all round awesomeness. She is nothing short of amazing.

Sunburn, it's a tad annoying and I caught some on holiday.

What's This? I've Gone Anglican...

I have fallen out of the habit of blogging of late. One of the main reasons for this was the desire to write about specific things that have happened of late but being so busy has made this difficult. On top of that I didn't want to put up the more jovial posts while I had a big blog in mind, it didn't sit right with me.

So there has been a major decision taken, a major change and the experience of doing one of the hardest things I have ever faced. Back in January I felt the Lord say that "it was time to move on". At the time I wasn't entirely sure what it related to, but over the last 6 months I have had various revelations in regards to this. After much prayer and thought I felt once again a small voice telling me it was time to move on, and this time specifically it was time to leave my church of Hope.

So a few weeks ago I faced what to my mind is one of it not the toughest thing I have ever done and tell my parents that I am no longer going to Hope. For the last 15 years they have looked afater me, fed me, encouraged and challenged me and been the most amazing advert of faith in God in action. And I had to tell them that I am leaving all that. To their credit and in no way a surprise they were amazing about it. Even now I blown away by their kindess, goodness, understanding, the way in which they shared God's love in the midst of a potentially awkward situation.

So I have for the last 3 weeks been attending an Anglican church.

It's been interesting to say the least but it has been challenging and made me think. One of the reasons for my "defection" was that I had got too comfortable. I trust my parents implicitly and 30 years of them being proved right time and time again has reinforced that. As well as seeing the way they have read their bible and applied it on day by day basis. How they have sort to allow God into all areas of their lives - I have lived with it and seen it with my own eyes. And now I have stepped out of my comfort zone and am having to question the teaching I am receiving. (I would add that my parents have constantly instructed me to question their teaching and look at it in the light of God's word!).

So there you have it, I've gone Anglican.

Silence...

Because I'm not entirely sure what to say...

A few weeks ago was the first anniversary of a friend's death. I was actually in Mumbai on the actual anniversary. That struck me as being significant as he was the one who first introduced me to India, first took me there and Mumbai was the last place I had seen him in India.

It seems strange to think it's been a year, there are still times when I forget that he has gone. The other day I noticed in my mobile phone that I still have his telephone number there under his name. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for his wife and daughter but I am honoured to be a part of their lives.

Talk has begun again of recording some of his songs, people seem to be looking to me about it. I feel spectacularly unqualified to do such a thing. To butcher a phrase I'm not worthy to re-string his guitar let alone record his songs. And yet my dear friend was always encouraging me, inspiring me, helping me, even when I butchered his songs. One of my fondest memories was when I was strumming a song by Coldplay and he said to me, "is that one of yours?", to which I replied "no" and he said "well it sounds like you". I loved the way it came out as a compliment, multi million selling Coldplay sounds like DT as opposed to DT sound's like Coldplay. But that was Peter, the perfect teacher. As regards recording, I don't really know what to do... I talk lots, do very little and thus achieve not a lot. And in this case I am scared to do something because if it turns out to be crap I am not sure I could live with that...

Thirty Things Before I'm Thirty

It occured to me that many people have a list of things they want to do before a certain point in their lives. Such as "thirty things to do before I turn thirty". I never made one of those, but on the eve of turning thirty I thought I'd come up with a list of thirty things I have done which I am pleased with, amused by or proud of etc. So in no particular order;

1) Begun to learn to drive (yes I had my first lesson age 29 and 364 days!)
2) Been to India.
3) Was bestman, performed the music and compere at my sister's wedding.
4) Wore a bridesmaid's dress (emerald green).
5) Had a haircut (and raised nearly £2000 for charity).
6) Started writing a novel (nearly a 1/3 of the way through).
7) Convinced my bro that he should play footie (Marsh Rangers the curent benefactors of this!)
8) Gave a speech at my parent's 25th wedding anniversary celebration.
9) Stood on the edge of the Grand Canyon.
10) Started dating the most wonderful girl in the world.
11) Had a permanent job for more than a year (4 years and counting!).
12) Moved out of my parent's house.
13) Seen Arsenal beat Spurs/Liverpool/Man Utd at Highbury/Emirates.
14) Was at Denis Bergkamp's debut and when he scored his first goal for Arsenal.
15) Performed infront of 300 people.
16) Performed in front of 1 person.
17) Written songs which have meant things to other people.
18) Scored 8 goals in 6 aside football having not played footie for a month (ok I'm beginning to realise that it's quite difficult to think of 30 things on the fly!).
19) Led worship in an Anglican church and been invited back again.
20) Started writing a blog.
21) Not killed myself or anyone else.
22) Sang/recorded with my favourite band (Delirious - Glo).
23) Worn a lime green suit jacket.
24) Mentored someone.
25) Eaten a lot of chocolate and not got excessively fat.
26) Got housetrained (thanks to my parents good upbringing).
27) Got a degree (2:1)
28) Shaved my head and grown a fu manchu moustache.
29) Flown first class and stayed in a 5 star hotel.
30) Known God for 27 years (I'm not proud just unbelievably greatful for his goodness to me).

Underneath Starlight

Been working on this song for months now and finally while here in Bangalore I got the two missing lines in the lyrics...

Have I ever told you what you mean to me
Have I ever opened up so you can see, clearly
I have spoken in songs and poetry
I have spoken and I hope you can see, clearly...

These are the words I want to share with you
That I could share my life with you
So come on darling, take my hand
We can walk underneath starlight...

Whatever happened to having great expections
Whatever happened to make me fall so hard, clearly
I am not as strong as I'd hoped I'd be
But your smile is enough for me, a yeah yeah...

I now can't wait to get home and pick up my guitar, plugged in and rock it out with my brothers.

3 People In Bangalore

How time flies, well I think it flies, it certainly passes, although it feels like Good Friday was a long time ago.

I'm not entirely sure how often I am going to be updating my blog... however fear thee not, I have created a blog related to this epic India trip:

http://3peopleinbangalore.blogspot.com

I'm actually writing this from my office at work, the hotel tried to charge me 600 rupees for 24 hours internet access and I was like errr no! Thankfully Jay has a dongle I can borrow when in the hotel. The rest of the time I'll just have to wait til I am in the office (on my lunch break of course! Well dinner break really as it's 6pm here already and I've got another 4 hours to go!).

And yes I have my own office, with a window and everything. Nice view!

Will hopefully blog somewhere about the hotel (amazing) and the first day of work (interesting).

peace and love amigos

One Day To Go

I'm sitting here in the office (it's after 5pm so am off the clock as such so no need to be concerned!) staring out my window. Am looking at the grey skies which have opened up and rained forth their load and I must confess to be rather looking forward to flying off to India. I'll quite literally get an Indian Summer, for 4 weeks at any rate!

I may well add to this blog later, but then again I am off to the pub so that probably won't happen. See you at a pub (Hobgoblin or Swan and Bottle depending on the timings and locations you make) or see you on the other side. Or rather "see you" via this blog, facebook, email, text for the next 4 weeks.

Three Days To Go

I played football for the last time for a month this evening, I played pretty well, scored a hatful...

I still haven't packed...

I bought an Ipod Touch and I'm rather enjoying it...

I have been reminded about how good Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional is...

I am watching How I Met Your Mother before falling asleep...

I think I need a drink, no not an alcoholic drink, just a wet drink...

I am looking forward to India but must remember to not call it a holiday...

I am going to miss Vikki, my friends and family...

I will listen to gratuitious amounts of heavy rock while I am away...

I shall endeavour to keep a fairly uptodate blog full of wit, interesting stuff and my take on working in another country...

A Romantic Development and Other Short Stories

Last weekend I was described as being a romantic development, I must confess it amused me no end...

In 7 days I will be sleeping in my bed for the last time for a month...

I officially clog up my girlfriend's mobile phone...

I woke up this morning to a toastie warm flat, twas the first time in a week, I liked...

Crazy In Love is rushing around my head and I am not entirely sure why but I'm not complaining...

My new tea mug (courtesy of Miss Bradley) is causing quite a stir in the office, and I rather enjoy the vast quantities of the hot beverage I can now consume...

Am considering purchasing some sort of music playing device of the mp3/Ipod variety, decisions, decisions, decisions...

I also need to find some time to pack in the next week...

Needs Versus Wants and More Donuts

I was reading a friend's blog and his subject matter struck a chord with me surrounding the whole area of needs versus wants. He was talking about personal possessions but you can apply the same thought process to probably anything. Right now I feel somewhat guilty as I just consumed three donuts. Now I needed food but did I really need three donuts? Yes they were tasty and yes there is no actual need to deny myself some pleasure but the flipside is still did I really need them. This isn't even getting started on possessions.

In less than two weeks I will be flying out to India where I will be confronted most likely by two extremes; opulence and poverty. And for the first time I will be there because of the opulence as opposed to the poverty. I'm not entirely sure how I will cope with this.

I am not in any way saying that wealth and possesions are wrong, on the contrary I think they can add value to our lives. However when this is at the expense of other people or when it is the be all and end all of a persons life then something is wrong. Quite often a paucity of possesions can lead to a greater understanding of what is actually important in life.

Perhaps most depressing of all is the concern that I will not act upon this struck chord. But maybe the fact that I am thinking about it is the start and fullness of it's impact will be seen over time, even if I can't see it...

Little Things and Big Things

I was reminded twice over the weekend about the importance of being faithful in the small things.

My thanks to my parents, Dave, Will and Vikki for the reminders in practice and words.

Simples... oh I wish!

The Question Of Reality

So last night I watched a movie which got me thinking, I say it got me thinking, I thought for about thirty seconds and then switched the light off and went to bed. But anyway, in those brief seconds I contemplated the question of reality. The movie that sparked this was Gamer, which I can't decide if I'd recommend or not but that's another issue altogether.

So the movie dealt with issues of what is reality and what or who is in control amongst other things. Which kinda got me thinking of that big ole scary word predestination. About the dichtomy within our desires to be in control and to relinquish that control. About what exactly is real, what about consequences to the choices that we make, and take oh so lightly.

I like it when movies spark some debate, I like to discuss things. Unfortunately right now I have no one to talk to about it as I'm the only one who's seen the movie and my friends who I end up "debating" things with are a long long way away. Whether that be Chichester, London, Hayes or South Ruislip.

So instead I'm watching Scrubs while the cheese, bacon and pasta cooks in the oven and will shortly press on with some more work.

Alice in Underland

On Monday I had the pleasure of watching Alice in Wonderland, at the time I had hoped to blog about it but you know how these things go. Needless to say I thoroughly enjoyed, maybe my enjoyment was heightened by sitting in the cinema holding a beautiful woman's hand, it's been six years since I've done that.

And as for this beautiful woman I don't even know where to begin, she really is absolutely amazing. I find myself wandering around with what can only be described as an inane grin on my face. Which is possibly quite disconcerting for those in my office, although I dislike ascribing blame in this case it's a good thing!

Tomorrow is a friend's 30th birthday gathering, saturday is a gig, sunday is mother's day and I'm tired so should get some sleep...

Oh My Gosh

Oh my gosh, I have just got back from a gig at the Garage or rather the Relentless Garage in Highbury and I am rather wired and inspired by the music I have just witnessed. I literally am so looking forward to band practice on Saturday. I have also been reminded by how utterly blessed I am with an amazing family, oh so wonderful friends and a very very special lady friend.

I am really struggling to not pick up my guitar and start playing now, I probably should try and sleep as work beckons me tomorrow.

Right now however I am reminded of the beauty of music, friendship, love and dreams. Don't give up people, and to quote Glee/Journey which is my current guilty pleasure - don't stop believing!

Metaphors and Euphemism

Don't have time to blog about it, but yesterday on a sofa I was struck by how closely situated in meaning metaphors and euphemisms are...

And if you really want to put someone down without them realising it, try the following phrase "that's a typically sophistical comment". Not that I am condoning such behaviour...

Anarchy, Capitalism, Communism and my Desk

So I was sitting here at my desk quietly getting about my day job when a colleague popped round to say hello. As is their want it's never a simple "Hello, how are you?", first it was a discussion as to how rubbish we all thought life was. Elizabeth is partly to blame here because she has a "Life Is Crap" calendar, which was a gift from Sue, so she is also culpable! Then it was a discussion on various merits to anarchy, communism and capitalism. All around my desk!

It got me thinking though about the world we live in, about order and chaos, about authority and freedom. About what works and what doesn't work.

And because I'm at work I don't have time to write much more, which is a shame...

Gluttony

I've eaten 3 donuts and now feel sick...

Gluttony doesn't feel good.

Too Tired To Blog

Or maybe it's I'm too lazy or maybe it's I'm just confused.

It's probably a combination of a great many things; last night for exanple was getting home from work later than normal, had dinner, watched Arsenal (less said the better!) and then Vikki came round and after she left it was a tad late to start blogging!

I have two ideas for blogs I want to write but that would involve actually spending some time researching and I'm quite an off the cuff kinda person. The ole inspiration vs perspiration issue again.

This also frustrates me as I need to get practicing for a gig and get back into the habit of novelising - I will finish it... one day... Ho hum.

Random thought for the day comes from the wisdom of Calvin Harris; if I see a light flashing does this mean that I am not alone?

What A Difference A Week Makes

It's been a while since I have blogged and there have been a number of reasons for that; one of them was that the "big" thing that was/is going on in my life currently I didn't really feel comfortable blogging about as I didn't want to prempt or spoil it.

So in the last 7 days I have got a girlfriend, got confirmation of a work trip to Bangalore India and been sick as a well sick dog!

In reverse order, I'm feeling much better now thank you and am back in work. I'm using my lunch break to write this blog. No seriously I am actually taking a lunch break!

Work trip to Bangalore, 3 weeks in April, going to be a rather crazy and exciting experience. I'll be going over there with two others and we'll be training the "offshore hub". No idea what to expect but quite looking forward to it.

And the biggie, yes last Monday (8th February) evening myself and a very special young lady met up down the Coach and Horses and had a nice long chat about stuff and yeah! To some it's a surprise and to others it isn't. Either way I'm happy and we see what happens, I'm looking forward to getting to know her better. (I should also note she's been amazing this week putting up with me in a rather bleak state!)

So yes lots of changes... what a difference a week makes.

Fifty and Counting

So this is my fiftieth post, which got me wondering about what it might be like to be 50. Where might my life be like in 20 years time? Will I be married, will I be a father, will I still be in a band, where will my friends be, what sort of work will I be doing, will I still have hair, what music will I be listening to, will I be mad about football, will I still be a clothes horse, slightly too enamoured about shopping, sarcastic, over the top, facetious, gregarious, emotional, will I still be blogging and will I have finished my novel?

Now probably I'm getting ahead of myself there but I've always been a grandiose kind of person.

I would like it if when I am 50 I can say "the last twenty years have been great and the next twenty are going to be even better".

Random Future Nostalgia

Sitting on my sofa earlier today, all of a sudden I was engulfed in what I can only describe as a wave of future nostalgia.

I was old, and my sister was talking to her daughter while in my presence saying "Your Uncle David used to play in a band with your Dad".

It made me smile, my eyes quite possibly got a touch wet and I felt hopeful, special and inspired.

So I have blogged, and then I shall pick up my guitar and practice, possibly finish writing my new song...

My Notebook or Net Book Or Mini Laptop Or Whatever It Is

For the first time in ages I started carrying my small laptop thing with me to work and back so I can get creative again! I started this week by writing a letter to a dear friend which I probably should print out and post tomorrow. I think the next step will be to re-open the rather large document that is handily entitled Novel and press on with it. I'm feeling a little bit more inspired and creative again. Oddly enough being weighed down and stuff doesn't aid the creative process.

Next step after using the train time wisely will be try and use some of my time spent in the flat on noveling as opposed to watching silly tv programmes! Although to be fair, I have been using the silly tv programmes in a constructive way the last week or so as a time to practice playing the guitar. So there have been some "improvements"... whether or not there are improvements in my guitar playing is another matter all together!

Not Sure What To Say But I Want To Say Something So...

http://www.xkcd.com/670/

Confrontation and the Insult of a Friend

I was out the other night with friends and someone (and it matters not who this person is) insulted a close friend of mine. They felt with great justification the words they shared were fair even if they were very pointed. I was disappointed as I felt my friend was being poorly represented and I very lamely tried to argue against it.

A few days on from this a few things have become clear to me, a) I don't deal with confrontation too well, b) I care very much for my friends but c) if I am unable to defend my friend who I see how can I defend my closest friend who I can't?

What has become so very apparent to me is that as a Christian I am no longer just me, but I am Christ plus me. I am His representative. And in some cases I am the only Christian some people will meet, therefore I have an obligation, a responsibility as a representative of Christ. I think of scriptures like 1 Corinthians 6 v19 which says that we are not our own but have been brought at such a high price, the whole passage talks in part of how we should live our lives. Or Jesus' words in Matthew 28 to his disciples about what we are to do in his absence. Or the words recorded by the Apostle John "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13 v35).

Fear And Loathing In West Ruislip

It's funny how you can be quietly going about life and a moment of clarity hits you. I had such a moment last night wandering into the bathroom in my flat.

Six and a half years ago my then fiancee ended our engagement. My epiphany was that without realising it rejection had pervaded my view of myself stemming from that rather unfortunate turn of events.

I could go into lots of detail but now is not the time. I should apologise to friends and family who have born the brunt of my fears and self loathing. But I know that firstly they'll forgive me because they're amazing and secondly in this case it's more about me changing and being a better friend.

The irony being that (if you'll pardon this somewhat vain indulgence, I like to think) I'm a pretty decent friend. However I want to be better than pretty decent, you few who read this deserve that. And I need this, because I'm not happy living in fear and waiting for rejection or worse engineering it.

Dear God

Dear God,

I don't want to grow up , because grown-ups have to go to work and it sounds really boring. I want to stay a little kid so I can always play games.

Yours,

Rupert.